Column Questions
Dear Barb,
How can I kick start my libido? I don’t want to go to a sex therapist. It is financially too expensive and embarrassing.
Signed,
Lost Libido
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Dear Lost Libido
If you’re experiencing a decrease in libido, you are not alone. For most people, sex drive is like a roller coaster — one minute it’s up, the next, it’s down. A drop or decrease in sex drive is usually caused by changes in lifestyle or is a side effect of taking certain medication or our diet. Experts say that a lack of interest in making love, even with partners we adore in many other ways is not as unusual as we might think.
If you're having trouble getting in the mood, it's worth having your doctor check your iron levels, particular women. Being iron-deficient can have a negative effect on sexual desire and arousal. Leafy greens like kale and spinach, red meat, fish and tofu are great natural sources of iron.
Stress is known globally as the number one libido killer. Between work, money troubles and looking after the kids, sex can feel like just another chore to check off the list.
Shutting off your digital devices for at least an hour before bed, meditating daily, journaling often or having a bath are all calming activities that can help get you in the right mindset for a little lovin'.
It's not just a myth that chocolate is a natural aphrodisiac. Studies show that it promotes the release of phenylethylamine and serotonin into the body, which can boost your libido.
Since you are what you eat here are a few libido boosting superfoods for your sex-drive.
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Celery: Considered an excellent food to ramp up sexual stimulation. Produces one of those kinds of sweats with an odorless hormone released through male perspiration that has that strange effect on women…the same effect that I understand a dozen red roses would have.
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Maca: Less known and uncommon food it was hailed as a natural Viagra, not usually in your local supermarket. It improves sexual performance and the frequency for both men and women. Maca is renowned for increasing sex-drive in women and fertility!
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Pumpkin Seeds: Pumpkin seeds contain zinc, which is important in testosterone production for men and also helps to sustain sexual desire in women. Great snack food for a road trip!
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Sauerkraut: an unlikely inclusion, but a vital key in unlocking your libido according to the Scottish diet guru Gillian McKeith.
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Bananas: helps to boost male libido largely due to the presence of the enzyme ‘bromelain’. Bananas are also a good source of B vitamins which increase the body’s total energy levels.
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Almonds: Almonds are another major source of essential fatty acids which provide the basis for the healthy production of male hormones in regulating sex-drive.
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Avocado: The Aztecs called the avocado tree ahuacatl or “testicle tree.” Interesting fact. The avocado helps to increase both male and female libido.
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Asparagus: The sex vitamin. The Vegetarian Society suggests “eating asparagus for three days for the most powerful affect”.
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Chilies: may heat up your sex life too, due to capsaicin, the substance that gives kick to peppers and spicy foods. Triggering the release of endorphins, it also stimulates nerve endings and raises your heart rate.
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Basil: basil increases circulation, stimulates the sex drive and boosts fertility! It is also said to produce a general sense of well-being for body and mind. But most curiously of all, its scent is supposed to drive us wild!
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Cardamom: Cardamom is a nicely aromatic spice. In many cultures it is viewed as an intensely powerful aphrodisiac and also beneficial in treating impotence.
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Figs: Figs are very high in amino acids, they increase your libido and boost sexual stamina.
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Garlic: bad on the breath but good on the sex drive. Maybe this is one for long-term couples, (as long as you both munch it, you’ll be OK). Garlic contains high levels of allicin, a compound that can improve blood flow to the sexual organs.
Read, eat and enjoy!!!
More Column questions
Dear Barb,
I am beginning to think that it is not just sheer willpower that helps you lose weight. Could it be mostly mental? I have no problem losing weight when I am paying for Jenny Craig, no problem when someone bets me money to lose weight, or ordering prepackaged meals ready to cook delivered to my home! I would always quickly lose weight, but left on my own the weight constantly comes back. I am 39 and active. Am I missing something?
Signed,
Needing Rules to Lose
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Dear Needing Rules,
In my opinion it is both mental and physical. Humor me with this hypothetical scenario; If your boss called you into his office one morning as you arrived to work and nicely but firmly said to you that you needed to lose a specific number of pounds in order to maintain your current position and continue to work there (we all know this could never happen) would you lose the mandatory weight? Would you make a concerted effort to do what it would take to lose the weight rather than accept the consequences that losing your job would create, hypothetically?
One of my favorite mottos indicating how badly something is desired is one you likely have heard before. “You pay attention to what you CARE ABOUT, and what you care about you PAY ATTENTION TO”
There are two factors involved in this roller coaster ride of weight loss. The first one is overlooked and is often realized too late called “Your Freedom Years”. When you are in high school you were basically controlled by your parents and ate what was prepared each day without much to say about it. During college or being away from mom & dad is when your freedom of choice began. This new-found freedom can go several different ways. If you’re with groups of friends who eat out at fast food restaurants on a regular basis and have low energy lifestyle behavior such as video games, driving around in cars, or what is now described as “hanging out” verses the very opposite of that, there are consequences. Unwittingly these decisions change your chemistry and your metabolism early on in your life, making it difficult to undo physically. Also, mentally it takes more effort to reprogram patterns of living in your 30’s, 40’s and beyond.
The second factor is sugar! This could be what you are missing and you have not paid attention to. The sugar industry is doing so well. Why? Because sugar has addictive qualities which hold our brains hostage and subliminally keep us begging for more. Brain scans show that sugar is as addictive as cocaine according to a California-based endocrinologist. It causes a euphoric effect that triggers dopamine, the chemical that controls pleasure in the brain. Sugar is in foods where we least suspect it, including breads, yogurt, peanut butter and sauces. Sugar cravings is likely the very enemy that is keeping you from any lasting success. Always check the sugar grams on labels. I recommend a book entitled “Salt, Sugar, Fat how the food giants hooked us.”
If the heart wants it bad enough, like the scenario I used for your job security, you will do anything!
Ice cream on Sunday, college days of pizza and beer, parenting days of driving thru for fast food on the way home from your child’s soccer practice have likely been replaced with a drive-thru at Starbucks with a high calorie/sugary coffee drink every day.
Make new replacement habits with minimum amounts of sugar until it becomes your new normal. The mental part, which is the hardest to reprogram means repetitions of at least 21 times to brand it a habit. Continuing that new routine will reinforce it as normal.
80% of weight loss success is what you eat and only 20% is exercise. Don’t blame it on lack of exercise for your failure since only 20% is a factor. What you eat is what matters! Simply pick the favorite diet with foods you enjoy and read the health benefits and cautions. Now that you care- pay attention, don’t give up, you believe what you tell yourself-what are you telling yourself?
Mental Health Question
Dear Barb,
My new year’s resolution for 2019 is to start writing a journal daily or as often as I can. I have heard journaling releases stress. Could this make a noticeable difference for my depression or help me sleep better?
Signed,
Looking for Relief
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Dear Looking for Relief,
Journaling is a secret that is finally catching on quickly. Yoga and meditation are also helpful creating a calming effect.
We are creatures of habit and habits begin from repetition. Many of us unfortunately use easy ways to feel release such as Facebook to recount an event, personal or not. Using Facebook to throw out your woe’s or frustrations could feel good at that very minute but not very effective for calming long term. Ranting and detailing every event to your mother or a friend you’ve known forever or your husband or ex-husband soon grows into a habit of venting every night as a routine, chasing that same feeling of release.
Those who use verbal expression as a release, a counselor would do wonders. Many who use Facebook to explode, would benefit from a journal by pen and paper or typing a blog to yourself.
Your life is like a mystery novel you are reading. When you read or watch a mystery on TV it intrigues you, always wondering what will happen next. Doesn’t it seem like your life resembles one unforeseen event after another? We love a mystery. Your life as you write in a journal is one big story of your reality as you see it, recounting how you behave in the story to each new crisis. Writing it down allows ownership for your decisions and choices. You are in charge of your own story. A problem or goal is a great thing to put in your journal.
Think of your brain as if it were a gas stove with four gas burners. If all four burners are on at the same time it will use a lot of energy. Having one pot sitting on the front burner with the other three burners on full blast, but not being used, is a waste of energy. Our brains are only actually capable of thinking of one thing at a time. Neuroscientist Earl Miller said “People can't multitask very well, and when people say they can, they're deluding themselves. The brain is very good at deluding itself." Turning off the back two burners will substantially cut down on the energy exerted. Journaling accomplishes that. It relaxes the brain. Journaling allows your brain to compartmentalize a problem or situation and let it go, keeping important things on the back burner on simmer so to speak.
Don’t be surprised if there are times it is necessary to turn on all four burners at the same time to use them, tackling several big issues at once for a short duration of time.
My biggest tip to journaling is start by asking what went right today! Begin recounting the stories or experiences throughout your day or week. Did you almost get in a car accident today? Play that accident scenario out all the way thru and then you will likely write down how grateful you are in your journal.
If your thoughts tend to race uncontrollably journaling could be exactly what you need. Identifying your feelings will help diminish feelings of depression and allow you to sleep more restful.
Diet Question
Dear Barb,
I am trying to raise my kids with as little salt and sugar products as possible for the past 3 years while still not making them feel like they are suffering or deprived. My question is I am wondering if there is a conspiracy that manufacturers are using to make my kids crave things that they know they can’t have? When they visit other families overnight, they talk endlessly about the food they ate while they were with their friends. It was all boxed or microwaveable or canned foods. I have always believed fresh is best!
Signed,
Battling for My Babies
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Dear Battling for My Babies,
The conspiracy is salt and sugar and fat. I commend you in your efforts to limit the salt and sugar intake for your children. Trust me, they will thank you some day! It is our job to care enough to read labels before we bring food home to our families. We average 2 to 3 meals a day plus a snack so with salt limitations of- no more than 2400 mg a day and Sugar- no more than 24 grams a day, A little here and a little there, it adds up in a hurry by the end of the day.
There are two important words that Manufacturers pay attention to; they are “Bliss-point” and “morishness”. Bliss-point is the precise amount of sweetness -no more-no less- that makes food and drink most enjoyable. Morishness is the early moments of eating – as in appetizers that actually make you hungrier.
Children develop a taste for salt as early as four or five months, but scientist have found that a child’s liking for sweets appears to be in place the moment they are born. The bliss point is a powerful phenomenon and dictates what we eat and drink more than we realize.
The challenge for companies such as General Mills, Kraft and others is ensuring that they are hitting the bliss point dead on. Companies won’t sell ketchup, Go-Gurts, and loaves of bread if they’re not sweet enough or don’t hit that bliss point.
Here is a quote from a presenter at a large food manufacturing meeting not long ago. “Food manufacturers need not fear the implication of pleasure in the word bliss, he said, after all, who among us chooses food based on its nutritional status? People pick products off the grocery shelf based on how they expect them to taste and feel in their mouths, not to mention the signals of pleasure their brains will discharge as reward for choosing the tastiest foods. Nutrition is not foremost on peoples mind when they choose their food, It’s the taste, the flavor, the sensory satisfaction.”
They actually have lots of scientists figuring this stuff out! There is a great book to read about this entitled Salt, Sugar, Fat, how the Food Giants Hooked Us which explains it very clearly.
Thankfully they are in charge of the products and you are in charge of purchasing them. Our own willpower is easy, but are we being played and can we resist?
Our brains are triggered by this very natural craving for pleasure in Salt and Sugar and Fat. We need to pay attention to what are acceptable amounts of sweetness and salt and not rely on the companies to be careful. Pillsbury, Kraft, Nabisco, General Mills, Procter & Gamble, Coca-Cola and many others are only interested in the cheapest way to attain Bliss and Morishness.
I must admit that the food manufacturers have given health conscious consumers more of a choice by turning out better-for-you versions for many of their mainline products. If you request items from your grocery store, they usually order them. You got this, fresh is best and you’re in charge.
